Russia – Windy Bowels
Another manager who has been posted absent recently from Ruffians FC, likely to blast you with innuendo or questionable music or singing. Didn’t take part in the World Cup but he did play in the Euro Ruffs 2012 with Greece but didn’t make it out the group, due to someone playing another non-qualifying Scandinavian team…hmmm. The Russians got to the Ruff World Cup final with Captain Ineptitude, but can Windy take a team with few stars far this time, not sure.
If they were a film: Star Trek: The Motion Picture – too serious for its own good, aged badly and wasn’t actually very good in the first place.
FIFA World Ranking: 29
Key Players: Aleksandr Kokorin, less than prolific scorer but main danger; Roman Shirokov, ageing midfield lynchpin.
Group Prediction: 4th
Finals Prediction: Sent to Siberia.
Bookies Say: 200/1
Spain – RaingodZippo
Now you would think that by having drawn a decent team for a change RaingodZippo would be a good bet for at least the quarter finals. However The Raingod Review can exclusively reveal that in practice Spain are actually a bit shit. Missing Diego Costa and even Fernando Torres, they lack punch up front and the midfield is a bit lightweight. Raingod usually scrapes through the group only to fail spectacularly in the next round. Don’t see a change here.
If they were a film: Dances With Wolves huge, epic and loved by many, actually a bit dull and not as good as you thought it was the first time you saw it.
FIFA World Ranking: 6
Key Players: Andres Iniesta, hugely influential midfield maestro; Sergio Ramos, likely to captain the team if De Gea plays and can keep out of trouble and prostitutes.
Group Prediction: 2nd
Finals Prediction: Second Round
Bookies Say: 12/1
England – NashEffect77
True gent of Ruffians FC, Nash is unquestionably one of the good guys. Pity he has drawn the evil empire (Editor: stop it). Failed to register a win with Ivory Coast in the Ruff World Cup and didn’t get out the group at Euro Ruff 2012 with Denmark. Must be in with a chance this time but will depend on whether he can master the talents of the dark forces (Editor: look I told you once). England, or Thugs United (Editor: Right last chance) have the firepower and midfield guile to win the whole thing, but a dodgy defence might see them struggle.
If they were a film: Skyfall – very British, many nods to the series' glory days in the 60s but ultimately leave you with a big disappointment.
FIFA World Ranking: 11
Key Players: Wayne Rooney, outstandingly ugly forward played in midfield for some reason; Harry Kane, SPURS player.
Group Prediction: 3rd
Finals Prediction: Second Round
Bookies Say: 12/1
Republic of Ireland – Scottfair
Another new Ruff, and another friend of Womble? Probably another Scottish ringer. RoI are a very good team, much better than the sum of their individual parts. No real stars but it is team spirit and an annoyingly whiney manager, backed by a thug who has moulded them into a team capable of beating anyone on their day.
If they were a film: Braveheart – ok different Celtic nation, but battle against all odds to err get disembowelled by a bigger badder nation but go down in a stirring and memorable way.
FIFA World Ranking: 33
Key Players: Robbie Kean, talisman, striker and captain but finds it difficult to last 90mins; Shane Long, mercurial and underrated striker.
Group Prediction: 1st
Finals Prediction: Quarter Finals
Bookies Say: 8/1
Another manager who has been posted absent recently from Ruffians FC, likely to blast you with innuendo or questionable music or singing. Didn’t take part in the World Cup but he did play in the Euro Ruffs 2012 with Greece but didn’t make it out the group, due to someone playing another non-qualifying Scandinavian team…hmmm. The Russians got to the Ruff World Cup final with Captain Ineptitude, but can Windy take a team with few stars far this time, not sure.
If they were a film: Star Trek: The Motion Picture – too serious for its own good, aged badly and wasn’t actually very good in the first place.
FIFA World Ranking: 29
Key Players: Aleksandr Kokorin, less than prolific scorer but main danger; Roman Shirokov, ageing midfield lynchpin.
Group Prediction: 4th
Finals Prediction: Sent to Siberia.
Bookies Say: 200/1
Spain – RaingodZippo
Now you would think that by having drawn a decent team for a change RaingodZippo would be a good bet for at least the quarter finals. However The Raingod Review can exclusively reveal that in practice Spain are actually a bit shit. Missing Diego Costa and even Fernando Torres, they lack punch up front and the midfield is a bit lightweight. Raingod usually scrapes through the group only to fail spectacularly in the next round. Don’t see a change here.
If they were a film: Dances With Wolves huge, epic and loved by many, actually a bit dull and not as good as you thought it was the first time you saw it.
FIFA World Ranking: 6
Key Players: Andres Iniesta, hugely influential midfield maestro; Sergio Ramos, likely to captain the team if De Gea plays and can keep out of trouble and prostitutes.
Group Prediction: 2nd
Finals Prediction: Second Round
Bookies Say: 12/1
England – NashEffect77
True gent of Ruffians FC, Nash is unquestionably one of the good guys. Pity he has drawn the evil empire (Editor: stop it). Failed to register a win with Ivory Coast in the Ruff World Cup and didn’t get out the group at Euro Ruff 2012 with Denmark. Must be in with a chance this time but will depend on whether he can master the talents of the dark forces (Editor: look I told you once). England, or Thugs United (Editor: Right last chance) have the firepower and midfield guile to win the whole thing, but a dodgy defence might see them struggle.
If they were a film: Skyfall – very British, many nods to the series' glory days in the 60s but ultimately leave you with a big disappointment.
FIFA World Ranking: 11
Key Players: Wayne Rooney, outstandingly ugly forward played in midfield for some reason; Harry Kane, SPURS player.
Group Prediction: 3rd
Finals Prediction: Second Round
Bookies Say: 12/1
Republic of Ireland – Scottfair
Another new Ruff, and another friend of Womble? Probably another Scottish ringer. RoI are a very good team, much better than the sum of their individual parts. No real stars but it is team spirit and an annoyingly whiney manager, backed by a thug who has moulded them into a team capable of beating anyone on their day.
If they were a film: Braveheart – ok different Celtic nation, but battle against all odds to err get disembowelled by a bigger badder nation but go down in a stirring and memorable way.
FIFA World Ranking: 33
Key Players: Robbie Kean, talisman, striker and captain but finds it difficult to last 90mins; Shane Long, mercurial and underrated striker.
Group Prediction: 1st
Finals Prediction: Quarter Finals
Bookies Say: 8/1
