Wales – ShakeyLakey
Helmed by the man-god that is ShakeyLakey, led by the world’s most expensive ex-SPURS player this could be Wales’ year. Shakey a legend in his own mind and saviour of almost every Ruffians FC game has form – for quitting half way through the Group stage having lost 3 games, but never mind that. He is back and with Gareth Bale and err…err…never mind that either. Oh who am I kidding I can’t see a point here in the Group of Death.
If they were a film: The Magnificent Seven - against all the odds a small band of heroes (in this case significantly less than 7) beat off a vastly superior force with the help of the local crowd. Actually given Bale’s comedy haircut maybe The Three Amigos is a better fit.
FIFA World Ranking: 26
Key Players: Gareth Bale; tied-up ponytailed Galacticos who is a left-back playing as a striker; Aaron Ramsey, second string midfielder from a second rate club team.
Group Prediction: 4th
Finals Prediction: Back to the valleys before they finish singing Men of Harletch.
Bookies Say: 100/1
Romania – Xbulldog
Smarting at his loss in the second round of the World Cup Bulldog will be hoping for better things this time. Another Ruffians FC absentee this season, but not short of practice as he and MickyB are always on FIFA playing matches. Saddled with an uninspiring typical Eastern European team of journeymen it is going to be a struggle for them to progress (I never thought I would say that about a Bulldog team).
If they were a film: Anna Karenina – overly complicated eastern European tosh in which the main character ultimately commits suicide.
FIFA World Ranking: 22
Key Players: Vlad Chiricheș, captain and defensive stalwart; Bogdan Stancu, top striker with unpronounceable Turkish team.
Group Prediction: 2nd
Finals Prediction: 2nd Round
Bookies Say: 20/1
Turkey – Obesia Blue
Blue is a bit out of practice at FIFA being only a recent convert to Xbox One, didn’t play in the Ruff World Cup but reached the semi-finals of Euro Ruffs 2012. Would have liked a slightly better draw than Turkey but they are the highest rated team in the group and have improved immensely in recent years. Fuelled by 80s nostalgia (even though he wasn’t alive in the 80s) and a fierce rivalry with Captain NonSensible, Blue will be one to watch.
If they were a film: Midnight Express - dark, brooding often torturous to watch but with some hope and a happy ending.
FIFA World Ranking: 18
Key Players: Arda Turan, captain and midfield powerhouse; Burak Yilmaz, striker and top scorer.
Group Prediction: 1st
Finals Prediction: Semi-Finals
Bookies Say: 6/1
Finland – Darkestfrost
Veteran Ruffian Frosty could have been doing without drawing, on paper, the worst team in the competition. Reportedly hasn’t touched the single player game in FIFA this year, might be in for a tough time. Finland were pretty poor IRL during qualifying although they did finish well above Greece but were 9 points behind group winners Northern Ireland.
If they were a film: The Italian Job – plucky bunch of amateurs go to a European capital during a football tournament and don’t quite get away with the goods.
FIFA World Ranking: 67
Key Players: Roman Eremenko; Russian midfielder who plays in Russia?; Lukas Hradecky, goalkeeper, will be busy.
Group Prediction: 3rd
Finals Prediction: Second Round at a push.
Bookies Say: 150/1
Helmed by the man-god that is ShakeyLakey, led by the world’s most expensive ex-SPURS player this could be Wales’ year. Shakey a legend in his own mind and saviour of almost every Ruffians FC game has form – for quitting half way through the Group stage having lost 3 games, but never mind that. He is back and with Gareth Bale and err…err…never mind that either. Oh who am I kidding I can’t see a point here in the Group of Death.
If they were a film: The Magnificent Seven - against all the odds a small band of heroes (in this case significantly less than 7) beat off a vastly superior force with the help of the local crowd. Actually given Bale’s comedy haircut maybe The Three Amigos is a better fit.
FIFA World Ranking: 26
Key Players: Gareth Bale; tied-up ponytailed Galacticos who is a left-back playing as a striker; Aaron Ramsey, second string midfielder from a second rate club team.
Group Prediction: 4th
Finals Prediction: Back to the valleys before they finish singing Men of Harletch.
Bookies Say: 100/1
Romania – Xbulldog
Smarting at his loss in the second round of the World Cup Bulldog will be hoping for better things this time. Another Ruffians FC absentee this season, but not short of practice as he and MickyB are always on FIFA playing matches. Saddled with an uninspiring typical Eastern European team of journeymen it is going to be a struggle for them to progress (I never thought I would say that about a Bulldog team).
If they were a film: Anna Karenina – overly complicated eastern European tosh in which the main character ultimately commits suicide.
FIFA World Ranking: 22
Key Players: Vlad Chiricheș, captain and defensive stalwart; Bogdan Stancu, top striker with unpronounceable Turkish team.
Group Prediction: 2nd
Finals Prediction: 2nd Round
Bookies Say: 20/1
Turkey – Obesia Blue
Blue is a bit out of practice at FIFA being only a recent convert to Xbox One, didn’t play in the Ruff World Cup but reached the semi-finals of Euro Ruffs 2012. Would have liked a slightly better draw than Turkey but they are the highest rated team in the group and have improved immensely in recent years. Fuelled by 80s nostalgia (even though he wasn’t alive in the 80s) and a fierce rivalry with Captain NonSensible, Blue will be one to watch.
If they were a film: Midnight Express - dark, brooding often torturous to watch but with some hope and a happy ending.
FIFA World Ranking: 18
Key Players: Arda Turan, captain and midfield powerhouse; Burak Yilmaz, striker and top scorer.
Group Prediction: 1st
Finals Prediction: Semi-Finals
Bookies Say: 6/1
Finland – Darkestfrost
Veteran Ruffian Frosty could have been doing without drawing, on paper, the worst team in the competition. Reportedly hasn’t touched the single player game in FIFA this year, might be in for a tough time. Finland were pretty poor IRL during qualifying although they did finish well above Greece but were 9 points behind group winners Northern Ireland.
If they were a film: The Italian Job – plucky bunch of amateurs go to a European capital during a football tournament and don’t quite get away with the goods.
FIFA World Ranking: 67
Key Players: Roman Eremenko; Russian midfielder who plays in Russia?; Lukas Hradecky, goalkeeper, will be busy.
Group Prediction: 3rd
Finals Prediction: Second Round at a push.
Bookies Say: 150/1