Germany – NinjaNut
What can you say about Germany that hasn’t already been said without resorting to clichés? Efficient, tough to break down, with some added flair, but I can’t help but think 2010 was this squad’s best chance to win a World Cup as their “experienced” players are not what they were and the new crop of youngsters maybe aren’t quite there yet. A spy tells me that NinjaNut is pretty handy with the FIFAs and if he can survive playing in the middle of (his) night or persuade his competition to play in theirs, and use the Germans to their full potential he might roll across this tournament like a panzer division…woops clichés alive and well.
Key Players: Bastian Schweinsteiger, Toni Kroos
If they were a car: Dick Dastardly’s Mean Machine from Wacky Races. A menacing, ever-presnet threat with plenty of crafty weapons but that occasionally fails at the last due to over-confidence and arrogance.
Group Prediction: 1st
Finals Prediction: 4th
Chile – LongJohnMcNasty
Another potential dark horse team, who can, on their day beat anyone. Few big name stars, but a solid spine including Juventus’ Vidal and Barcelona’s Sanchez mean they are to be feared. Veteran Ruffian LongJohn (whose been a posted missing recently) brings Scottish grit to the party, and if he can get over not drawing Scotland, and keep 11 men on the pitch he should steer the South Americans through. Will they be the Red Hot Chile Pipers or the Andes Animals, let’s wait and see.
Key Players: Arturo Vidal, Alexis Sanchez
If they were a car: Lady Penelope’s submersible pink Rolls Royce from Thunderbirds. They bring glamour and style to the proceedings but are liable to sink without a trace at the first signs of trouble.
Group Prediction: 2nd
Finals Prediction: Second Round
Sweden – Shakey Lakey
No they didn’t qualify for the real World Cup…but they did come close, losing out to Portugal in the play-offs. Lacking in real quality apart from Zlatan Ibrahimovic’s favourite player, Zlatan Ibrahimovic, it is a tough ask for Scandanavia’s only representative to progress. Hello ladies, Shakey is another Ruffian stalwart who could get some useful results if he can get the ball to Zlatan and the Swedish captain doesn’t trip over his own ego too much.
Key Players: Zlatan Ibranimovic, Sebastian Larsson
If they were a car: A Volvo S70 Estate car. Dull, boring but safe. As big as a boat but skippered by an egotistical maniac could make a bloody big hole in somebody’s (de)fence.
Group Prediction: 3rd
Finals Prediction: Second Round
Ecuador – Dave AVFC
Err…they boast the world’s highest capital city (don’t say you don’t learn stuff courtesy of the Raingod Review), they also boast arguably the worst striker Man City has ever had; Felipe Caicedo. At 3½ stars they are as bad as Scotland and apparently can’t play football below 8,200ft. Dave scores goals for fun for Ruffians FC but even he will struggle with this forward line.
Key Players: Antonio Valencia (possibly the only Man United player who actually played well this season so there is hope), Segundo Castillo
If they were a car: a Terrafugia Transition, one of the world’s first flying cars. Functions great at high altitudes but looks ugly and cumbersome when you get it down to ground level.
Group Prediction: 4th
Finals Prediction: Out first round
What can you say about Germany that hasn’t already been said without resorting to clichés? Efficient, tough to break down, with some added flair, but I can’t help but think 2010 was this squad’s best chance to win a World Cup as their “experienced” players are not what they were and the new crop of youngsters maybe aren’t quite there yet. A spy tells me that NinjaNut is pretty handy with the FIFAs and if he can survive playing in the middle of (his) night or persuade his competition to play in theirs, and use the Germans to their full potential he might roll across this tournament like a panzer division…woops clichés alive and well.
Key Players: Bastian Schweinsteiger, Toni Kroos
If they were a car: Dick Dastardly’s Mean Machine from Wacky Races. A menacing, ever-presnet threat with plenty of crafty weapons but that occasionally fails at the last due to over-confidence and arrogance.
Group Prediction: 1st
Finals Prediction: 4th
Chile – LongJohnMcNasty
Another potential dark horse team, who can, on their day beat anyone. Few big name stars, but a solid spine including Juventus’ Vidal and Barcelona’s Sanchez mean they are to be feared. Veteran Ruffian LongJohn (whose been a posted missing recently) brings Scottish grit to the party, and if he can get over not drawing Scotland, and keep 11 men on the pitch he should steer the South Americans through. Will they be the Red Hot Chile Pipers or the Andes Animals, let’s wait and see.
Key Players: Arturo Vidal, Alexis Sanchez
If they were a car: Lady Penelope’s submersible pink Rolls Royce from Thunderbirds. They bring glamour and style to the proceedings but are liable to sink without a trace at the first signs of trouble.
Group Prediction: 2nd
Finals Prediction: Second Round
Sweden – Shakey Lakey
No they didn’t qualify for the real World Cup…but they did come close, losing out to Portugal in the play-offs. Lacking in real quality apart from Zlatan Ibrahimovic’s favourite player, Zlatan Ibrahimovic, it is a tough ask for Scandanavia’s only representative to progress. Hello ladies, Shakey is another Ruffian stalwart who could get some useful results if he can get the ball to Zlatan and the Swedish captain doesn’t trip over his own ego too much.
Key Players: Zlatan Ibranimovic, Sebastian Larsson
If they were a car: A Volvo S70 Estate car. Dull, boring but safe. As big as a boat but skippered by an egotistical maniac could make a bloody big hole in somebody’s (de)fence.
Group Prediction: 3rd
Finals Prediction: Second Round
Ecuador – Dave AVFC
Err…they boast the world’s highest capital city (don’t say you don’t learn stuff courtesy of the Raingod Review), they also boast arguably the worst striker Man City has ever had; Felipe Caicedo. At 3½ stars they are as bad as Scotland and apparently can’t play football below 8,200ft. Dave scores goals for fun for Ruffians FC but even he will struggle with this forward line.
Key Players: Antonio Valencia (possibly the only Man United player who actually played well this season so there is hope), Segundo Castillo
If they were a car: a Terrafugia Transition, one of the world’s first flying cars. Functions great at high altitudes but looks ugly and cumbersome when you get it down to ground level.
Group Prediction: 4th
Finals Prediction: Out first round
