USA – ImmortalRogue98
Youthful exuberance and a team mainly made up of players who play in the US as this is now the best league in the world (at soccer- the rest of us play football) is unlikely to be enough for ImmortalRogue to get past the grit and guile of some of his opponents. Even with Landon Donovan in their squad (not Roster) the US are short on stars, even the colourful (not colorful) Kyle Beckerman won’t see them drive off with the cup in their boot (not trunk).
Key Players: Landon Donovan, Clint Dempsey
If they were a car: A 1974 Pontiac Firebird. Will run all over the pitch (probably chased by cops) in a big flashy kind of way before crashing into the goalpost and blowing up in a massive fireball.
Group Prediction: 4th
Finals Prediction: Out first round
Italy – Darkestfrost
The fate of the once proud Roman Empire sits firmly on the shoulders of a man who only plays well after a large amount of alcohol…however he has also been known to fall asleep while playing…enter Darkestfrost. The team relies on an ancient Roman god and a footballing enigma who is just as likely to storm off in a big girly huff as he is to be utterly, devastatingly brilliant. If Dark can stay awake, Pirlo’s legs hold out and it is the good Mario who turns up we could see Italy bother the later stages of the tournament.
Key Players: Andrea Pirlo, Mario Balotelli
If they were a car: a Routemaster bus. But definitely one of BoJo’s new ones. Ideal for parking, but still very sleek and stylish – a new take on an old classic.
Group Prediction: 2nd (if he is tipsy, 3rd if drunk and 4th if sober)
Finals Prediction: Second Round
Belgium – Splatty
Unknown quantity Splatty leads everybody’s favourite dark horse Belgium. Forget giant loo brush Fellaini, and Villa battering ram Benteke, the Belgians are blessed with a real wealth of talent right through the squad. Multiple threats up front, sublime skill in midfield and held together by probably the best centre half in the game. Too early for the Belgians – maybe but it should be fun.
Key Players: Eden Hazard, Vincent Kompany
If they were a car: the General Lee from the Dukes of (Eden) Hazzard. Plenty of muscle up front, fond of a fancy stunt and driven by a Duke.
Group Prediction: 1st
Finals Prediction: Quarter Finals
Ivory Coast – NashEffect77
Big and strong with a sprinkling of star quality the Ivory Coast are probably the best of the African teams. Nash will play them with his usual enthusiasm and good mannered approach. A word of warning they only managed a draw against Scotland in a warm-up and will need more from their star players if they are to progress.
Key Players: Yaya Toure, Didier Drogba
If they were a car: a Renault Espace. They certainly carry their people with them in great numbers but they are notoriously unreliable if really put to the test.
Group Prediction: 3rd
Finals Prediction: Second Round maybe
Youthful exuberance and a team mainly made up of players who play in the US as this is now the best league in the world (at soccer- the rest of us play football) is unlikely to be enough for ImmortalRogue to get past the grit and guile of some of his opponents. Even with Landon Donovan in their squad (not Roster) the US are short on stars, even the colourful (not colorful) Kyle Beckerman won’t see them drive off with the cup in their boot (not trunk).
Key Players: Landon Donovan, Clint Dempsey
If they were a car: A 1974 Pontiac Firebird. Will run all over the pitch (probably chased by cops) in a big flashy kind of way before crashing into the goalpost and blowing up in a massive fireball.
Group Prediction: 4th
Finals Prediction: Out first round
Italy – Darkestfrost
The fate of the once proud Roman Empire sits firmly on the shoulders of a man who only plays well after a large amount of alcohol…however he has also been known to fall asleep while playing…enter Darkestfrost. The team relies on an ancient Roman god and a footballing enigma who is just as likely to storm off in a big girly huff as he is to be utterly, devastatingly brilliant. If Dark can stay awake, Pirlo’s legs hold out and it is the good Mario who turns up we could see Italy bother the later stages of the tournament.
Key Players: Andrea Pirlo, Mario Balotelli
If they were a car: a Routemaster bus. But definitely one of BoJo’s new ones. Ideal for parking, but still very sleek and stylish – a new take on an old classic.
Group Prediction: 2nd (if he is tipsy, 3rd if drunk and 4th if sober)
Finals Prediction: Second Round
Belgium – Splatty
Unknown quantity Splatty leads everybody’s favourite dark horse Belgium. Forget giant loo brush Fellaini, and Villa battering ram Benteke, the Belgians are blessed with a real wealth of talent right through the squad. Multiple threats up front, sublime skill in midfield and held together by probably the best centre half in the game. Too early for the Belgians – maybe but it should be fun.
Key Players: Eden Hazard, Vincent Kompany
If they were a car: the General Lee from the Dukes of (Eden) Hazzard. Plenty of muscle up front, fond of a fancy stunt and driven by a Duke.
Group Prediction: 1st
Finals Prediction: Quarter Finals
Ivory Coast – NashEffect77
Big and strong with a sprinkling of star quality the Ivory Coast are probably the best of the African teams. Nash will play them with his usual enthusiasm and good mannered approach. A word of warning they only managed a draw against Scotland in a warm-up and will need more from their star players if they are to progress.
Key Players: Yaya Toure, Didier Drogba
If they were a car: a Renault Espace. They certainly carry their people with them in great numbers but they are notoriously unreliable if really put to the test.
Group Prediction: 3rd
Finals Prediction: Second Round maybe