Well there is always one…a group of death and boy is this it.
France – Xbulldog
Les bleu might not be everyone’s cup of tea but in the hands of Bulldog you have got to make them one of the favourites for the tournament. One problem, or rather 3 problems are the other teams in this group, you know you are in for trouble when the Dutch are on paper the worst team in your group. Such are the riches of the French however I am not even sure who is actually in their squad and who is left out. So if they live up to their reputation (both team and player), they are my tip for the cup.
Key Players: Olivier Giroud, Karim Benzema
If they were a car: a Delorian DMC-12. A stylish unconventional breath of fresh air when they shot on to the scene in the 80s, followed by a late 90s revival. Liable to blow at any time.
Group Prediction: 1st
Finals Prediction: Winner
Netherlands – G4ndu1f
With a re-built defence and the usual suspects still very much in evidence in midfield and up front, the Dutch should have a fantastic chance of going very far in the competition. Add Gandalf who has always shown promise in his rare Ruffians outings and what more could you ask for. Well this group will sort out the men from the boys and if they can qualify they will be a team to watch.
Key Players: Arjen Robben (bit of a one trick pony but crucial to Dutch success), Robin Van Persie
If they were a car: a Fiat Multipla. Fiat built great cars in the 70s. The Multipla is not the prettiest but they do a job and you can see them coming from a mile off. You can trust them to always get you there second.
Group Prediction: 3rd
Finals Prediction: Quarter Final
Brazil – Nicko2000
Once upon a time Nick played in Ruffians league and was good. Then he seemed to disappear, however the Raingod Review believes he has been using that time to play other people at FIFA (how dare he) and has been building up to this tournament for some time. Brazil are undoubtedly fantastic going forward, everyone in the team (except Julio Cesar and maybe Hulk who is not really a footballer is he?) is capable of popping up to score. However they can vary between mediocre and woeful in defence. Only Thiago Silva gets pass marks on the defensive front with Dani Alvez and Marcelo great running forward and “Sideshow Bob” Luiz couldn’t tackle a fish supper.
Key Players: Neymar (annoying wee sh**e), Oscar
If they were a car: The Mystery Machine from Scooby Doo. Loud, proud and very flamboyant. Despite never really knowing where the hell it’s going, somehow it always ends up leading the gang to glory.
Group Prediction: 2nd
Finals Prediction: 3rd
Portugal – IcemanD18
Poor old Ice, group of death with a one man band. But what a band, Cristiano Ronaldo is capable of playing an entire orchestra with one hand tied behind his back. Question is, can he do it all himself, maybe in a lesser group but here I am afraid the wooden spoon looks like a shoe-in.
Key Players: Cristiano Ronaldo, CR7, Ronaldo (shame for Ice they are not 3 players)
If they were a car: A Fords transit mini-bus, driven by Ronaldo. He is used to carrying the whole team and like most white van drivers, loves a good rant and fist shake.
Group Prediction: 4th
Finals Prediction: Out Flamboyantly in the First Round
France – Xbulldog
Les bleu might not be everyone’s cup of tea but in the hands of Bulldog you have got to make them one of the favourites for the tournament. One problem, or rather 3 problems are the other teams in this group, you know you are in for trouble when the Dutch are on paper the worst team in your group. Such are the riches of the French however I am not even sure who is actually in their squad and who is left out. So if they live up to their reputation (both team and player), they are my tip for the cup.
Key Players: Olivier Giroud, Karim Benzema
If they were a car: a Delorian DMC-12. A stylish unconventional breath of fresh air when they shot on to the scene in the 80s, followed by a late 90s revival. Liable to blow at any time.
Group Prediction: 1st
Finals Prediction: Winner
Netherlands – G4ndu1f
With a re-built defence and the usual suspects still very much in evidence in midfield and up front, the Dutch should have a fantastic chance of going very far in the competition. Add Gandalf who has always shown promise in his rare Ruffians outings and what more could you ask for. Well this group will sort out the men from the boys and if they can qualify they will be a team to watch.
Key Players: Arjen Robben (bit of a one trick pony but crucial to Dutch success), Robin Van Persie
If they were a car: a Fiat Multipla. Fiat built great cars in the 70s. The Multipla is not the prettiest but they do a job and you can see them coming from a mile off. You can trust them to always get you there second.
Group Prediction: 3rd
Finals Prediction: Quarter Final
Brazil – Nicko2000
Once upon a time Nick played in Ruffians league and was good. Then he seemed to disappear, however the Raingod Review believes he has been using that time to play other people at FIFA (how dare he) and has been building up to this tournament for some time. Brazil are undoubtedly fantastic going forward, everyone in the team (except Julio Cesar and maybe Hulk who is not really a footballer is he?) is capable of popping up to score. However they can vary between mediocre and woeful in defence. Only Thiago Silva gets pass marks on the defensive front with Dani Alvez and Marcelo great running forward and “Sideshow Bob” Luiz couldn’t tackle a fish supper.
Key Players: Neymar (annoying wee sh**e), Oscar
If they were a car: The Mystery Machine from Scooby Doo. Loud, proud and very flamboyant. Despite never really knowing where the hell it’s going, somehow it always ends up leading the gang to glory.
Group Prediction: 2nd
Finals Prediction: 3rd
Portugal – IcemanD18
Poor old Ice, group of death with a one man band. But what a band, Cristiano Ronaldo is capable of playing an entire orchestra with one hand tied behind his back. Question is, can he do it all himself, maybe in a lesser group but here I am afraid the wooden spoon looks like a shoe-in.
Key Players: Cristiano Ronaldo, CR7, Ronaldo (shame for Ice they are not 3 players)
If they were a car: A Fords transit mini-bus, driven by Ronaldo. He is used to carrying the whole team and like most white van drivers, loves a good rant and fist shake.
Group Prediction: 4th
Finals Prediction: Out Flamboyantly in the First Round